There are no 'Bad parents'

When parents contact me for therapy or treatment for a child, it is often with a sense of guilt, or feeling inadequate. They might even fear that they will be considered being a 'bad parent.' One of the first things that I want parents to know when they come consult me, ask me for help with their child, is that there is no such thing as a 'bad parent.' Not for me as the therapist, not for the child they are concerned about. The flurry of books that teach you how to parent might give the impression of there being a 'norm' a 'standard.' However, as I have said in other places, each family, each child, each parent is unique. There is no standardized way to parent. 

The proof of this is that even when parents do everything 'according to the book,' or 'according to best practices,' there can still be impasses, surprises, unexpected struggles and challenges. The reason for this is that raising a child is not only about limits, behaviors, consequences.  There is a wealth of relational, and emotional threads, some visible, some known, but some hidden that might go back to very early times in the child's history and in the parents' history. Sometimes those threads get into incomprehensible tangles. No parenting book, no well meaning advice can help here. This is where the value of psychotherapy can come in. A good psychotherapist is not into labeling, is not going to tell you what a 'good' parent would do, but can help you untangle the threads in which a family can get caught.

You can reach me at (530) 321-2970