For Therapy to succeed...
For therapy with a child to succeed it is important that certain parameters are in place. The child needs to understand that the counseling session is confidential, that the therapy room is a place where her feels safe. The child has to come out of his or her own desire to the counseling session, and not to please the parent or the therapist. In case the parents are the ones that are suffering from the child, but the child is not suffereing from his symptoms, it would be more indicated to work with the parents. It can take several sessions to establish this, and for the child to get a full understanding about the working of the therapy.
But there are certain issues that if not put in place right from the beginning can already immediately predict the failing of therapy. One common case is when a parent asks for therapy for a child, without telling the other parent with whom they share legal custod about it. This becomes a very difficult circumstance to work under. The other parent will find out eventually, might become upset, and when the child feels that one of its parents are not in favor of it, the therapist's office stops being a safe place, and the work is jeopardized. As a therapist, for the sake of the child, I typically only work with the child when both parents are consenting to it. Excluding one parent, would make it impossible for me to talk to this parent, who is equally important to the child as the other parent. Parents often do not fully realize this, as they are hurt by the other parent, and might not consider them a good husband or wife. This might be the case, but still each of the parents, no matter what their human flaws and limitations are need to be genuinely recognized and respected if the work with the child will be successful.
This became again very clear to me through my work with a foster child. Unable to work with the parents, due to the state funding, as they were considered the 'perpetrators,' I was unable to build an alliance with the parents of the child, to connect with them. The inability to gain the trust of the parents of this child made it very difficult for this child to come to his counseling sessions. He did not experience it as a safe place, as he felt that his father was not in favor of it.
Another typical situation that undermines the therapy work that can be done with the child is when the parents are engaged in a legal battle. When the child feels that saying certain things might jeopardize the position of one of the parents, as there is no trust in confidentiality, the child then is torn between parents and therapy is not a safe place for her anymore.
To schedule an appointment with An call (530) 321-2970