Chico Center for Psychotherapy

Psychotherapy and Counseling services for Children & Adults | Support for Parents

(530)321-2970

Chico therapist An Bulkens, LMFT is psychotherapist and counselor in Chico, California.  An Bulkens specializes in psychotherapy and counseling for young children  (toddlers, preschoolers, adolescents) and support for parents, with a special emphasis on  early childhood psychotherapy, and counseling  for preschoolers and Kindergarten aged child.  She also offers parenting skills support. She offers psychoanalytic psychotherapy for adults.  Her approach is grounded in  Lacanian Psychoanalysis. She was also trained as a clinical psychologist in Europe, Belgium.  Her education emphasized developmental psychology and psychoanalytic therapy. 

The pleasures and benefits of having a conversation with your child

The therapeutic effect of having conversations with your child

The center of reflective parenting  mentions that among the many important roles of a parent is to make sure you provide enough time in your child’s life for family conversation, solitude and boredom. 'They are like nutrients for child development and for passing on your reflective capacity to your child. Unfortunately the lure of electronic devices & social media has infected family life and is eroding the confidence of many parents to play this role.'  

Parents often report feeling too helpless to counteract their child’s obsession with all the new technology. 

To boost your confidence that you do have a good answer about what kids can do besides electronics, and you do have the power to change the situation,  here is a list of the benefits you will provide your family through making the time for conversation, solitude and boredom, as mentioned by the Center for Reflective parenting. 

The benefits of family conversation

  • Children practice using their mind, to express themselves and to make sense of what other people have to say.
  • Children feel more enduringly connected to the their family
  • Children gain the habit of talking about feelings, so they are less likely to impulsively act on them
  • Children become less vulnerable to peer pressure and bullying
  • Children gain insight, empathy and acceptance toward other people
  • Children gain a sense of trust in others and themselves.

The benefits of solitude and boredom   

  • Children develop the strength to think for themselves.
  • Children widen the horizon of their own mind through the use of creativity and imagination
  • Out of this creativity and imagination spring the roots of your child’s attempts at innovation and exploration into what is possible.

Conversation is simply that back and forth of taking turns at sharing what is on your mind and listening to and responding to what the other person has to say. . Conversations can be brief or long and can take place anywhere. The topic doesn’t matter and there is no subject too trivial to have a conversation about. What matters is that family members have the time and the opportunity to talk about their idea, their feelings and their perspectives. If your family is out of practice, initially your child may resist. Don’t give up. In fact you can have a conversation about why conversation matters.

Solitude and boredom involve time alone with nothing in particular to do. They require you to stop loading your child up with activities and stop feeling so responsible for entertaining them. Let them discover the joy of entertaining themselves even if they complain.

It requires you to be a good role model and mentor. Turn off your electronics more often. Step up your efforts at engaging in family conversations about anything and everything. Let your child see you engage in activities that do not require a device.

It’s hard to do in this day and age but I have confidence in you! 

For more information on reflective parenting you can visit the website of reflective communities.

To schedule an appointment, contact An Bulkens at (530) 321-2970

An Bulkens    |    Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist    |   MFC 52746

Tel. (530) 321- 2970    |   341 Broadway, STE 223 & 224,  Chico, CA 95928